The "Titillating" Triangle

“Don’t take the law into your own hands, you take ‘em to court!” Doug Llewelyn, where are ya? We need you. What a story this is. There is so much happening now, our overwhelmed readers have come to us for the easy way out. No problem, it’s simple – just connect the dots. We’ll call it the “titillating triangle” Forget about that Bermuda thing, close your eyes, and pretend you are a map. Ready? Now, your left foot, that’s Mexia, Texas, birthplace of Anna Nicole. Your belly button is Broward County, Florida, Anna Nicole’s current “resting” (no pun here) place, and your right foot is in Nassau, the Bahamas, Anna Nicole’s terminal destination, says commitment ceremony participant Howard K. Stern. So far, so good? Good.

Let’s dwell on your left foot for a sec; that’s Mexia, Texas. Anna’s Mama, Vergie Arthur is in court as I type because she wants to bring her biddy home. Your belly button; the presiding judge (yes, he was elected) in Broward County, Larry Seidlin, has made his desires well known, “the body belongs to me right now.” And Howard Stern doesn’t want the recently purchased four-seater Nassau burial plots under your right foot to go begging for bodies.

Is the fog lifting yet? No? Okay, follow the dots, after all, that’s where the money wants to go, and to be objective, I can see everybody’s dot. I’ll explain. Vergie wants Anna buried under your left foot because of the obvious dearth of tourism in Mexia, Texas (It ain’t a mother’s love at play here.). So, if your vacation is overdue, and time and budget are a constraint, consider gassing up the Winnebago and head west for some fishing at Lake Parker in Mexia, and no worries, bait is available locally. The Lake was named for Fort Parker, the site of the well-known (?) Comanche Indian raid in May 1836, during which Cynthia Ann Parker was captured. During captivity, Cynthia Ann became the mother of the last great Comanche chief, Quanah Parker. Little is known of Quanah’s father except that he and Cynthia Ann were never legally married, but local lore says there was a commitment ceremony in the nearby railroad forgotten ghost town of Springfield. Given these similarities, Vergie’s got a good dot going here so watch out, Mexia, the casinos can’t be far behind.

Now, venturing northeast to your belly button, Broward County, Florida, there sits Judge Larry “The Body is Mine” Seidlin. I gotta tell you, I see no fairness in Larry. I mean come on, Broward has had it’s share of fame of late. What? How could you possibly forget the land of the “hanging chads,” cloned human babies, the appearance of the Virgin Mary in a grilled cheese sandwich, or the US Customs dilemma with human heads at the airport. Broward, you stole the name Hollywood for a town, not to mention a Presidential election, so I say, enough, and please pass the dot to Nassau, your right foot.

Why The Bahamas? Howard K. Stern knows why. Ever try to buy a house in the Caribbean? Don’t bother, unless you know a good attorney or are one , or have a Bahamian Cabinet member as a bud. Sound about right? Did you know they have “squatter’s-rights” to real estate ownership in some of these beautiful paradise islands? Buy a beachfront mansion? Why bother. Take the easy way out – never leave the one you borrow. Howard, you are smooth.

There you have it, that completes the triangle. Titillating, huh?

“Everybody Is Up To Something.” sm